Note** this was originally written a few months after I returned from my Backpacking trip through South East Asia. Edited and updated in July 2020.
In 2018, I was BOLD, I mean BOLD AF. I went on a whim decided to backpack around South East Asia, ALONE, for 3 months. Did I mention, I did this alone? Don't get me wrong, I've done some bold things before, like moving all the way to GUAM by myself, even moving to Uganda alone, but I had never really traveled like this before. As a Black woman, I knew doing this would be a risk. Being Black you never know how you'll be treated in foreign lands (hello racism) and as a woman there are additional risks (hello sexism and misogynoir).
Despite all of that, I also knew that I was in the position to do something incredible and I couldn't cheat myself because of "fear". So I did what I do best, I bet on myself. I packed up my apartment and bought a one way ticket to Thailand and in 3 months found myself in Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia and Indonesia. Yeah, I may have been
[ 1 ]
Being alone doesn't mean you have to be "lonely"
As human's we are social beings and we naturally want to do things "together" but that . Traveling alone forced me to get to know myself in a deeper way. I didn't have someone there to get advice from, or to help me make a decision. It was all one me and as a result, I learned how to trust myself.
On the flip side, being alone taught me how to connect with new people better. I made friends that I still keep in touch with and even met up with some later in their home countries. The key is to be okay with being vulnerable enough to put yourself out there. Instead of staying at secluded hotels, I stayed in hostels and every morning during breakfast I sat with strangers.
[ 2 ]
You have to be your own advocate
When you walk these streets alone, you learn quickly that this is a dog eat dog world. If you don't stand up for yourself no one else will. When I was leaving Pattaya Thailand to go to Bangkok I had to catch a 7 am bus but I ended up missing the bus by 2 minutes. Being so early in the morning when I started asking the bus station employees for help they kept passing me off to the next person - because that early in the morning no one wants to deal with a confused foreigner (fair, but irking). Even though I was flustered, tired and irked to my core I had to go into an office and demand someone fix my issue. If I hadn't done that I would've missed the next bus 10 minutes later because people will leave you behind or forget about you. You are all you've got.
[ 3 ]
Self-forgiveness is so important.
Odds are just like the rest of life you're gonna screw up. You're going to probably fall for some sort of tourist scam, get ripped off, party a little too hard, miss a bus or have something stolen/ get lost. I've literally had all of those things happen to me, but at the end of the day it's a learning experience. Those bad experiences are a few minutes of negativity compared to the days of funny stories. If I dwelled on all the bad that happened it would take away from the big picture that I took such an amazing trip. It’s okay to make mistakes.
[ 4 ]
Watch the News
You need to be on top of your current events, especially world news. It wasn't until this trip that I learned how closely the world pays attention to US politics (especially since I was actively avoiding politics at the time). People from different parts of the world all had opinions on current events I had no clue were even happening.
[ 5 ]
Be easy with yourself, take time to rest.
When I first started traveling I wanted to do it all. I was the one with an over ambitious schedule filled with activities (X restaurant at 1pm, Y museum at 3, etc). I learned quickly that vacation burn out is real. It's okay to lay around and sit by the pool or watch Netflix some days. Be easy with yourself. If you don’t feel comfortable putting yourself out there take baby steps. But always make a conscious effort to put yourself out there.
[ 6 ]
Let go of expectations and trust
It’s okay to have expectations but don’t formulate an ideal outcome based on those expectations. What do I mean by this? You should be opened be better off going into something open minded. When planning my trip throughout Vietnam I knew I needed to visit famous and beautiful Halong Bay. Travel groups damn near promised it would have my IG feed POPPIN. However, silly me didn't think to research the best time of year. I went during the cold season, which also meant the cloudy season. Things won’t work out the way you wish all the time. Just accept that some things are out of your control and appreciate the experience.
[7]
Call your mom*
Answer your mom’s texts and just send her your itinerary. It may seem annoying but she just loves you.
[ 8 ]
Live in the moment, not just to "capture" a moment
Now THIS is big, It’s okay to do it for the gram, but NEVER set out to do it just for the sake of the gram. We all want to take cute pictures and that's okay! But planning full photoshoots, traveling in clothes that aren't practical is unnecessarily stressful.
[ 9]
Trust Your Gut
As a whole, this process has taught me the importance of trusting yourself and trusting your intuition. Being so far from home and alone during this trip I had to think fast. My safety and security had to be a priority.
The unthinkable happened when I was traveling in Sapa, Vietnam. My bus was in an accident, a bad one. As we boarded I took a seat, but something in my gut told me to move to another seat instead, so I moved. The seat I previously sat in was directly hit during that bus accident. Luckily everyone was okay but who knows how that would've effected me.
This trip reminded me how important trusting my gut was. Some nights that meant not following up with a person on tinder or not getting drinks with the friend of a friend I met at the hostel.
[10]
It's important to be open
When you go into a situation with a closed mind and a standoff off demeanor you're basically asking for that same energy from the people around you. Growing up as a Black girl in Philly, I stayed strapped with RBF (resting bitch face) and a leave me alone attitude.
***
I didn't understand that later this was a self-defense tactic I internalized to ward away unwanted attention (99% of the time to avoid men). But in many foreign lands smiling is a cultural norm, and people will avoid you at all costs if you project anger on them. It was beautiful being able to unlearn this and be in a culture where it's okay to be friendly without worrying. Let me just say that Balinese people are some of the sweetest people in the world.
At the end of the day, I learned a lot about myself, I learned a lot about others but the biggest take away was that I realized there is literally nothing I can't do. It literally felt like me against the world out there - and