In 2018 I started seeing a therapist and it was probably one of the best decisions i've ever made in my life. Let me start off by saying that therapy never gave me any miracle / breakthrough moment like in the movies, I don't think that's real. However, it did provide MANY moments of clarity, good advice, a lot of self-reflection. It also helped me better understand myself & why I do certain things (shoutout to the trauma that comes from years of being a giver and having too much pride to ask for help). Most importantly, it provided me with validation, it reassured me that I wasn't "crazy" when things got unclear.
Being in therapy was like walking through life with a friend who I knew wouldn't run and tell my business or ever judge me. I am a very private and prideful person and it can be hard for me to share certain parts of my life with people. Having someone I knew I could share every part of my soul to (even the ugliest parts) was one of most refreshing experiences i've ever had.
Who is therapy for? Sis, it's for US!
Let me start off by saying i've often been labeled "the strong friend" and I needed therapy. The pressures that come with being a Black Woman alone meant I needed therapy. PERIODT. There's not a certain level of "fucked up" you have to be to see a therapist i've learned. I've also come to realize that for me therapy was actually the highest level of self-care possible. It was a way for me to keep mental health in check and at the same time have someone hold me accountable on my path of becoming a better version of myself.
Black Americans are 20% more likely than the general population to develop mental health problems (and Black women are more likely to experience and mention physical symptoms related to mental health problems), despite that only a quarter of Black Americans seek care, compared to 40% of white people.
Life is stressful sis,
honestly growing up in Philly was traumatizing, being a minority (either Female or POC) can be traumatizing. Sometimes the people we love die, sometimes the people around us are “toxic”, sometimes shitty things just happen to us. Sometimes we even pick up “toxic” behaviors to help us cope with the shitty things people have done to us. All of those were true for me and they shaped me into a woman I am today- in both good and bad ways.
I don’t think the “shitty experiences” are necessarily bad, I think the issue is that we aren’t taught how to properly recognize how things affect us and as a result we can’t cope or respond in healthy ways. We are never taught how to process our emotions when these things happen as a result we internalize these experiences.
Therapy helps you 1) cope with everyday life and 2) helps you SLOWLY deal with deeply rooted issues that have affected you throughout life. It helps stop and collect your thoughts. It’s not just getting to the root of trauma but it’s also maintenance for normal stressors, getting to the root of healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Let me give you a rundown of how my first session went.
First off, I was referred to her by a friend which made the search easy. I moved forward because for the first time in my life I had amazing insurance (that stopped me for a long time). After we organized insurance basics I was in her office the next week. Let me just say I was ready to GO, ok? During our first meeting I was like "ard so boom, i'm fucked up because of XYZ and i'm currently dealing with A B and C". Which could've been a bit overwhelming but at the moment I just wanted her to know what we were dealing with. She was receptive and allowed me to share what I wanted out of therapy. Our relationship grew over time. The more I visited her the more I was able to trust and share parts of myself. It was definitely a relationship that grew with time. She helped me realize a lot about myself but it took me being invested in doing the work. She could only help me as much as I allowed her, if that makes sense.
My unsolicited advice for any WOC interested in therapy
I know we all want to - but don't only look for a provider who is the same gender & race as you. Two reasons - there's actually no guarantee they will "get it". I've met very elitist POC therapists that are removed from certain "struggles". On top of that there's a small number of them so odds you could be delaying the help you need (and ultimately playing yourself by putting all your eggs in one basket). Let me just say that Dr. Anna was amazing and did numbers on my ass. That Middle aged, White, Dutch woman listened and her professional training helped me in so many ways.
Disclaimer- not every provider is for everyone. It's important to shop around until you find someone you can work well with.
2018 was one of the hardest years of my life and honestly I don't know how I would've gotten through it without therapy. I'm still questioning how and why we are taught to memorize dates of old historic battles, but not taught useful things like how to do taxes or properly communicate our emotions. I am proud of myself for investing and prioritizing my mental health and asking for help - I wish the same for you.
Resources
Search for Therapist- https://www.therapyforblackgirls.com/gd_therapist/
Tips for Black women searching for a therapist- https://blavity.com/4-need-to-know-tips-for-black-women-seeking-therapy?category1=community-submitted
Signs you should go to therapy- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ii54JHXs0jg